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:iconseif114: More from Seif114


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November 6, 2012
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A girl alone, wandering an eternal darkness
Like a small child who lost its mother
Crying, alone, desperate to find her

She may have seemed happy to all who only glanced
But for those few who stopped and looked,
They would have discovered it to be nothing more than a mask

At night she would gaze at the moon
Who, like her, was a ‘freak’
The moon was a beautiful freak to the stars around it
And when she slept, she lay crying
For when she awoke on went the mask

Tis an old mask
One she wore for many a years
It has cracks and chips from over use, to please her family and friends
For if they knew, they would get hurt
And if they got hurt, the guilt would be on her

For she doesn’t love
She just figured when she was born with holes in her heart,
All her love leaked out before it could heal

She was always ‘the weird one’ a ‘freak’ a ‘monster’
Q darkness devoured loveless monster
And how could she think otherwise?

With a hot headed father
A mother that works all day
And brother that’s never there

She grew up alone
She always had to deal with her troubles herself
A failure of a child
Nothing but an imperfection on the world’s surface

The only one that stayed was her shadow
The only light she ever knew in her dark world,
Left her shortly after its discovery

She’s trapped in a cage like a small bird
Longing nothing more than to be free
And there she shall remain
Like a forbidden gem, kept hidden from the word

But despite all of this
Her greatest fear is simple
Tis not death, nor loneliness
The weeping child’s greatest fear,
Is being forgotten

For if something is forgotten,
It’s no longer remembered
And the things that no one remembers
Become things that never existed
And to not exist is worse than death
For death, you see, only comes for those who were

Yet the small bird has hope as she waits in her cage
She hopes that someday someone will hear her song
Hope that one day, she will finally be set free.
So I was cleaning out some old papers and found this. I wrote it a few years ago and thought how much my life has and hasen't changed since I worte this. Things have gotten a LOT better, but not everything. :/
I used to write stuff like this all the time, but most has gotten thrown out.
Anyways, I thought I would share this with you guys. :)

You, my readers, are the ones that have heard my song by reading my fanfictions. You may or maynot know it, but I put ALL of my emotions into my stories when I write them, so by reading and understanding all my built up emotions, you have heard my song and have set me free. :) I no longer have an overload of those sad and hurt emotions anymore. So I thought this would be nice to share with you guys. :D

A lot of the things in my story are true (if not all of the things I wrote) I DO cry in my sleep still. I don't know why but I do. I'll wake up and catch myself crying. It's really weard. @.@

I also WAS born with holes in my heart have have yet to fall in love or even get a big crush on anyone. (fictional characters do NOT count. ^_^; ) Also, side note, I was born with 5 different heart deffects, holes in my heart being one of them.

My dad is a HUGE hot head and still is. He'll go off about LITTERALLY ANYTHING!! (it's CRAZY!)

I'm VERY close to my mom, and thank god for that because she's my one release, but there was a time when I felt I couldn't talk to her.

My brother is rarely home. We don't NOT get along, but we're not all buddy buddy like we used to and it makes me sad.

I am very good at hidding or covering up my emotions in front of others, often times putting on a smile when I'm feeling depressed. I will RARELY let others see me really mad, sad, hurt, ect. (Which is why it surprises them when I DO get mad and go off on someone)

I also was always considered the 'freak' but that was part of my childhood long bullying I went through. (Seriously, I was bullied BADLY from first grade up until my freshmen year of high school. From threats, to being beaten up, to name calling and emotional abuse. Wose thing was, I would tell teachers and principles and even my mom would call and complain but the teachers and principles NEVER did ANYTHING. It kinda sucked.)

My greatest fear IS to be forgotten. (Weird I know)
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:iconfreddie-girl:
wow, this is beautiful.
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:iconseif114:
Seif114 Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :)
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:iconllennodo8286:
llennodo8286 Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
My god make me cry will ya?! This is so beautifully sad! Im so sorry to here about all the stuff you mentioned in the description I know how it feels and how much it hurts :( but still you should try to keep optimistic and hope things get better, its one of the only things to do sometimes. And you wont be forgotten, you've made so many happy with what you write, these people (and me) will never forget! Stuff will get better, even if its a slow process and long journey it will get better, i would say i promise but instead i'll say, i swear on my life and i do!~ :)
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:iconseif114:
Seif114 Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, that means a lot to me. :)
I remember a few years ago when I wrote this I was going through a very hard time. As I have said things have gotten better, though not all. I am optimistic, which is why the girl hopes of freedom and dose not simply give up and accept her fate in the cage. :D
Though, there are still days where I'll get depressed like I was when I wrote this, but when that happens I get on my devi and read all the wonderful comments that complete strangers have left for me and it cheers me up a lot. :)
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:iconllennodo8286:
llennodo8286 Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
*hugs* awww I know so much how it feels! >w< and I always have to talk 'theripist' to my friend sometimes because she gets so sad, so I'm used to saying happy stuff, I makes peoples happy :) And it makes me happy that something I say/do can make someone better, even a little bit! That being said I try to cheer myself up sometimes but that doesn't work so I do the same as you and check dA and something on dA makes me happy (mostly when certin someones fanfics are put up ;) : P seriously though I don't even read my favourite book with so many fangirl and happy faces! XD)
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:iconseif114:
Seif114 Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
lol. XD
I had no idea you liked my stories THAT much. I'M SOOOOOOO EXCITED FOR THE 9TH!!! I CAN'T WAIT TO POST ALL THOSE UPDATES AND SHARE EVERYTHING I'VE BEEN WORKING ON OVER THE PAST FEW WEEKS WITH YOU GUYS!!! If I get it done in time, then a also have a new surprise story for you guys! (it's NOT Hot as Fire) I've been buisy planning it out and I have a good plot for it after much hard work. :work: Now all I need to do is type it out and hope I get done with chapter one in time for the super updates I'm doing on the 9th. :typerhappy:

The fun thing is, because friday is going to be VERY buisy for me (the 9th) I'm going to wait until midnight on the 8th and then post all the updates cause it'll be the 9th then. XD
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:iconllennodo8286:
llennodo8286 Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Woo that means NO SLEEP FOR MEEEE! XD In all seriousness though I can't wait for the 9th, it shall be so MLG that my mind EXPLODES!!! : D
Oh and I was wondering if you would like this little anniversary thing done, its like just me going around where I live showing random stuff, then you'll gets to see here : D xD its a weird/bad idea I know but I love to know what you think of it....and if you don't like it, well I have a trick up my sleve (is that who you even spell it?! I CANT SPELL! XD) ;)
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:iconseif114:
Seif114 Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
XD Good news, I almost have that surprise story finished. (just 500 more words to go in it) Which means it'll be up tonight after midnight! XD *SOOOO EXCITED!!!*

I like the idea a lot! I can't wait to see! =D
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:iconllennodo8286:
llennodo8286 Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
WOO HOO! *starts to charge camera* It might be up maybe a day late because I plan to show my trip to Eirtakon too so you get to see biggest con in Ireland :3 my friend wants me to do it too, just so she can have her 'famous' derp face and give you a 'WTF' face XD
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:iconseif114:
Seif114 Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
XD I don't mind waiting. :3 I can't wait to see it!! It sounds like a blast!
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